The day finally came that hubby and I got to sit down with the neuro-psyche and discuss the test results on kids 2 & 3. Some very and some not so much info acquired from all this.
Child #2 has anxiety. Severe anxiety. It prevents him from sleeping, scrambles his executive processing, slows his progress way down, triggers some OCD type behaviors, and messes with his memory. None of this was too surprising, it mostly just explained how it was really interfering with his life. The doc suggested intense counseling and some anti-anxiety meds to help him until he can get it under control himself.
Child #3 is a whole different story. The doc said he's too smart, won't be challenged until AP classes in high school, and that mostly we just need to be firmer with him. He didn't see any of the sensory, balance, motor control, lack of eye contact, autistic type behaviors. No help for screaming at school or at bath time. Just be firmer. Not what I was expecting at all.
A week later I had IEP meetings for both boys and their older brother. Everyone else was also shocked by child #3's results, commenting that they had all seen signs of Autism also. Luckily they finally said this in front of each other and they agreed to certain steps to help him. I know I'm over protective of my kids at times, but it's for a reason. It's nice when someone else recognizes that there's a purpose behind it too.
This morning's paper had an Op-Ed piece that I couldn't help but laugh at. It described a working mom's excitement over the up coming end of the school year. She told of how nice it will be to not have to fight her teenager awake or rush to drop her youngest off at day-care before heading off to work herself. She also mumbled on the struggle of juggling homework and making dinner in the evenings. This mother also made comment of the greatest joy of her summer: when grandma takes the kids for an extended visit. Not even family has ever lasted more than 2 hours with all of my kids at once and I can't remember the last time we had a true babysitter.
I know she meant well, and I don't wish her any ill will but I laugh at this women's daily struggle! She obviously does not have a child (or 3!) with Asperger's & Tourette's (child #1 age 13); OCD, sensory & anxiety issues (child#2 age 10); Autism & sensory issues (child #3 age 8) or any other problem (child #4 believes she's a princess!) that might disrupt her pretty little schedule. Maybe I'm a little bitter, maybe I'm just plain exhausted, or maybe I'm a bit fed up. Between sensitivities to light/sound/textures, allergies to food and everything else, impulsiveness, and immaturity, I am kept on my feet (sometimes literally) for a minimum of 14 hours a day.
Let me first explain that I love my kids, I know I am the only one capable of sorting out all their randomness and functioning around it. They are all very loving, VERY smart, and have good intentions in everything they do. Unfortunately they all have different things they struggle with that I alone can not correct, but that our school district/doctors/therapists/ and insurance are all unable or unwilling to help with. And so hubby and I do what we can to manage on our own.
Here's a quick over view of my fun filled day with and without school.
6:45- I and child #1 are awake. He gets dressed and feeds the dog while I get the little kids dressed and down stairs.
7:00- I make breakfast (cereal for one, waffles for the others) and begin packing lunches (no dairy or bread for #3, no protein for #2, no wheat or dairy and something the bullies can't destroy for #1).
7:20- I have 10 minutes to eat and read as much of the newspaper as possible.
7:30- Brush #1's hair (lack of OT means -like bathing- he still can't manage this on his own) and help him pack his backpack. Being 13 should have meant more independence. Instead it means more maneuvering on my part to make him look independent enough that people leave him alone.
7:45- #1 and hubby out the door, I have 25 minutes to get myself ready for the day.
8:10- Brush #4's long curls into a pony, convince her and #2 to get their shoes on, and begin the battle with #3. This will take the next 35 minutes, involve plenty of screaming & tears, and is unlikely to end well for anyone. But that's what it will take to get him to school.
8:45- Give up with #3, bring him back to the car. Child #2 was removed from school in February thanks to his anxiety and another boys bullying. Now #3 is home also. #4 starts Kindergarten in the fall.
9:00- Run errands, hoping the store isn't crowded. Child #3 is staggering down the aisle with his arms in his shirt or compulsively touching everything he can reach. #2 complains that it's too bright/noisy/cold. I get as much as I can find that fits all their dietary needs & allergies. In the summer the trip includes #1 hopping and swinging his arms while #4 sings as loud as she can. I really need to get her a recoding contract, you know.... in my spare time.
10:00- Come home, unload car, put food away while keeping 2, 3, & 4 in sight.
10:30- Catch up on work. I work from home during the day with client meetings schedule in the evenings. I also use this time to contact medical or school staff about updates in conditions, meetings, appointments, or that bully that picked on #1 yesterday. Again this is all done in a central location where I can see to all 3 children.
11:00- Attempts at school work, housework and any other kind of work that needs to be done. Getting the kids physically active enough to work their muscles while keeping them from injuring each other or destroying the house. Child #1 requires actual physical pressure on his body (from jumping to hugging) to release the stress of keeping it together at school.
4:30- Making and eating dinner. Each meal at our house is really 2 or 3 thanks to food allergies. There's also the battle of "why can't we switch places" at the dinner table. Child #3 is a sloppy eater, to put it mildly, and #1's Tourette's has caused him to cough since age 3. Very enjoyable to sit next to while you eat.
6:00- Bath time is my personal favorite. You see, when water "feels like needles" you aren't as likely to cooperate with this time of day. Child #3 has horrible eczema that no medicine has ever really cleared up. Removing all scents from his laundry and using only "free" baby soap has helped, but not enough to avoid a fight. Once again the tears and bargaining commence
7:30- We battle our way through the bedtime routine with 3 and 4, all the while trying to remember if #3's bed was wet this morning and if so, did I wash his bedding.
8:30- Children 1 and 2 head to bed only to return at least 3 more times complaining of being unable to sleep or random other ailments.
9:00- I begin preparations for tomorrow, hoping I can get the house work done before I collapse into bed myself. All clothes are picked out and placed at the foot of the beds... except #3's. At almost 8 years old he wets his bed nearly every night still. Child #2's clothes can't have any tags and #4's socks must be inside out. And yes, I still pick out clothes for #1.
10:30- Crash in my bed and read until I can't see anymore. Reading is the key for me here, because if I don't read I'll spend all night thinking about how I'm going to make it through tomorrow. This is also the reason I created my Crazy Mom line... everyone needs an outlet!
So all you happy moms that are excited for school to be out and your lives to relax, enjoy your laid back schedule, that peace and quiet when they go to grandma's, and spend an extra day at the spa for me. I'll be where I always am: at home, caring for my children.
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