Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's been almost six months now since I began losing the hearing in my left ear. I joined a local choral group in March and shortly afterward developed what I assumed was a sinus infection. My ears and throat glands have always been the first to suffer when I'm under the weather so this seemed like a normal Spring event for me. 

As the weeks past and the rest of my symptoms cleared, I continued to feel as if there were cotton in my left ear. Voices became muffled, I found myself turning my head to hear. By late May, when our choral group performed, my ear was beginning to hurt. Thus commenced my first doctors appointment in six years, and second in ten. 

The fact that I called a doctor is big for me. I've had a long history of odd medical problems that usually result in lots of appointments, much confusion, and rarely any answers. I've learned to document my symptoms for several months, do as much research as possible, and then contact a specialist when the treatment is outside of any homeopathic options. This is precisely how I went about having my gallbladder removed six years ago. I knew the problem, presented it to the doctor, and it was taken care of. 

This time I was truly naive of the severity of my problem. I honestly thought it was just an ear infection. But after my family doctor couldn't find anything wrong and I was referred to an ENT, it was clear this wouldn't be simple. The ENT was also confused, not seeing an obvious problem and not initially seeing that my hearing loss was a concern. Then he said a phrase I've heard far too often. 'Oh, I've read about this!' He quickly ordered a CT scan and full audiology report. 

As the audiology test proceeded, the doctor's attitude slowly shifted from casual and joking to very serious and cautious in his choice of words. Twice he stopped himself from saying the word 'surgery' and by the end he would no longer make eye contact. I had completely lost just over 25% of the hearing in the left ear, but in higher ranges it dropped to a 75% loss. 

The scan went quickly and easily enough, but when the results came in I had to hear them from a nurse who didn't have any explanations or answers to my questions. The scan showed a cholesteatoma growing around the bones in my middle ear. The doctor himself wouldn't return my calls or schedule an appointment to clarify things. I was referred to another specialist, three hours away. 

The wait to see the specialist was six weeks, sometimes referred to as an eternity. During that time the pain increased, there has been intermittent bleeding in my ear canal, constant pressure as if someone's fist is being pushed into my ear, and I have now developed vertigo that is near constant. Don't ask me to walk any straight lines for a while. My hearing has worsened and my voice echoes in my head oddly when I speak.

I've had to stop singing completely because it just hurts too much. This alone has probably been the hardest part for me to deal with. Music is like air for me.

Today I finally see the specialist, who is expected to run his own tests and then schedule surgery. The only option I'm aware of is cutting behind my ear and removing the cholesteatoma. Because it spreads and essentially eats through bone and tissue, it is expected that the bones of my middle ear are greatly damaged. My hearing is unlikely to be restored. 

I'm a realist, very aware of what the outcome of today's appointment is likely to be. I've had six weeks to prepare myself, so at this point I only hope that we can move forward quickly to surgery. Quickly toward recovery.