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Two nights ago I had nightmares that my son collapsed from his tremors. From tremors... When I woke up I realized we haven't used the word 'tremor' in a few years. We've been referring to his recent episodes as 'seizure like' or 'Tourette's explosions.' But 7yrs ago, at the age of 11, on his list of diagnostics just below Asperger's and Tourette's is the word Tremors....

He's had 3 more episodes in the last 2 weeks, he had a doctor appointment last week and we've been referred to a Neurologist but everyone seems confused. I KNOW these dreams were my push to search for help in the right direction. Just like fifteen years ago I KNEW something was wrong with Geoff's skull.

I didn't sleep much, was awake for good at 4am and started searching... First I came across MS info that seems close but not quite. Then I saw Parkinson's and I just knew. Reading through the symptoms it was hard not to cry. Out of 10, 8 are a solid fit and the other 2 have occurred just not as consistently. At the same time, I feel relieved?? It's like the sun came out when I saw the list of symptoms. Such a twisted combination of known and unknown, relief and fear.

I finally said something to Doug last night as the kids were getting ready for bed. My husband, who is the fact checker, the one who doesn't believe without 3 witnesses and a signed document. He stopped, thought for a minute, and nodded his head. Then he went into the kitchen to talk to Alex, returning with a grim look on his face and nodding again. It all fits. The full body tremors, the recent hearing loss, the trouble swallowing, the legs buckling when he stands...

I told him that I don't plan to say anything to the Neurologist until he's fully evaluated things and then ask him to rule it out if he hasn't already. Doug told me I should say it up front, because I've never been wrong yet on a diagnosis and we can't wait for them to figure it out on their own. I've been down this road before, with the Spirit literally yelling at me to help one of my children because no one else could see what was wrong.

This whole last month has been so insane, swinging from the realization that he's an adult and mentally capable of doing all those adult things I somehow never planned for but now the realization that while he may finally be mentally capable his body is completely revolting. And of course I can't tell him yet, can only assist him in tracking his symptoms while we wait for our appointment with the Neurologist. Continue living in medical limbo.