Funny Guys

My younger boys have decided to start a comedy web show. If anyone can pull it off, it's the two of them. With Geoff's creativity and Spencer's comedic timing it's a no brainer. I suggested they call it GAS (as in Geoff and Spencer) but I was quickly informed that I'm not as funny as they are.
I think Madi's going to beat them to the punch though... I've already filmed a few clips of her lecturing her invisible friend on fashion and manners. It's a good thing my kids are entertaining or life would be pretty boring!

Presentation Baby!

I parked behind the school as I always do and all my little people poured out the side of my van. The boys were wrestling with backpacks, trying to hoist them over the sleeves of puffy coats. My princess had stepped a yard ahead of everyone and I watched as she prepared herself for another day of Kindergarten. Flipping her back pack over her left shoulder and swinging her snack bag in her right hand, she tossed her head high, pony-tail swishing, and began strutting down the sidewalk. Laughing at her "prance" I called out "what are you doing Madi?" "I'm a model, mommy!" came her response.
She's got this much poise and attitude at five, boy am I afraid of 15!!

It's Autumn Time Again

Another school year has begun and so far so good. All four of my little monkeys are in school this year, meaning I should have more free time to get things done. In reality it means I make 5 trips to and from school a day, spend 2hrs a night helping with homework, and at least 2 hours a week contacting teachers & staff at the schools. Although both schools completely dropped the ball again and were not prepared for any of my 3 boys' needs, they have all been quick to assist when asked.
My oldest started 8th grade this year and is now officially taller than me. At age 13 he is 5' 9.5" and wearing size 11 shoes. Unfortunately not many companies make men's jeans in size 27x34! He is still struggling in school with finding friends, controlling his tics, and passing English & Social Studies. But he is becoming more comfortable with himself, making social choices on his own, recognizing voice inflection (and even commenting on it!!).
Child number two is doing amazingly well this year. I had pulled him out of public school last February because his OCD and sensory problems were leading to depression. We had a wonderful time homeschooling together but I knew he needed to be able to prove to himself that he could be okay in school. He had a relaxed summer, tried some antidepressants that didn't work as well as we'd hoped, and began managing his own mental health very well. Once school started he made friends with a new student that lives only 3 doors away and has Asperger's just like my oldest. The two boys are now the best of friends. It is so great to see him happy!!
Little man number three is also back in school and has even gone so far as to say he likes his teacher. With him being a very bored second grader last year we decided to put him in a 3rd/4th comination class to insure he was challenged. He's even surprised us and gone into the building with his class, not complaining at all about the sensory things that were such a challenge last year. We were also blessed that one of his best friends is in the class too, a sweet little girl that is wonderful at directing him when he gets panicked or looses focus. I hope we can keep this girl around for a long time! :)
My princess started Kindergarten and can hardly contain her excitement. She gets to leave with brothers in the morning and come home at lunch time. If only I could get her to take a nap I think her enthusiasm would last a little longer in the day. She has become obsessed with writing notes to everyone in the family, hopefully her new found love of letters will last.
I really think that having a calm summer helped us make a smooth transition back into school. They took two weeks of swim lessons early in July, but otherwise we were home just hanging out and having fun together. I'm trying to find ways to be at the school helping out more this year also, which will help me better know what struggles they are having and find ways to assist them. My one goal is that they will all be able to understand and function in the world around them without loosing their own identity or knowledge of their self worth. As a mother, that's all I can hope for.

Too Cute

My delightful daughter has done it again. I swear this girl needs her own tv show, but let me back up and explain....
Two months ago we purchased new bikes for our entire family. Everyone picked out their bikes and cool helmets and Daddy has been taking them on rides every Saturday while I'm at work. My three boys (at the urging of the youngest) decided to start calling themselves The Biker Boys.
I wasn't able to get my bike until several weeks later and to be honest it is still sitting in my office in need of a new tire. It took me forever to choose a bike I was happy with and even then it only came in pink, not one of my favorite colors. My daughter however was overjoyed because this means we both have pink bikes, and being the only girl it's rare for her to match anyone else.
But this meant that the boys had their Biker Boys gang so obviously we needed a tagline too. Hence the Gorgeous Girls were created. This was all of her own creation. We have our matching pink bikes, our hair MUST be in pony tails, we wear our matching clog shoes, and sing our theme song.... because of course we have to sing!

We're the Gorgeous Girls
and we like Pink
Girls are great and
Boys just stink!

Who wouldn't love to chant that while they ride around the block! :)

I'll Be Your Angel

Sometimes the words to explain how I feel are hard to express, other times they just pour out. This was a moment where they flowed free.

I'll Be Your Angel
She heard his laughter long before he came
She had seen his face, she even knew his name.
This sweet little one
With the sparkling eyes
Was a child she knew well.
She looked at her son
With tears in her eyes
And said: You're my angel
I will carry you.
I will fight your battles, we will make it through.
I'll be your protector, I'll guard you in the night.
No matter what they tell me, I won't give up this fight.

As her little one grew
From infant to child
He slowly slipped away.
So softly at first
It was hard to notice
How he changed from day to day
Soon the boy
Had lost his smile
And wouldn't look her in the eye.
No matter who
She talked to,
They couldn't tell her why.

But she said:
I will be your angel, I will carry you
I will fight your battles, we will make it through.
I'll be your protector, I'll guard you in the night.
No matter what they tell me, I won't give up this fight.

Friends began
To turn away
When her child lost his voice
No one seemed
To understand
That he didn't have a choice.
Going out in public
Became a huge ordeal.
So did bath and bed time
And eating every meal.

Through the years
And all the tears
She rocked him every night
Singing in her
Quiet voice
His favorite lullaby

I'll be your angel, I will carry you
I will fight your battles, we will make it through.
I'll be your protector, I'll guard you in the night.
No matter what they tell me, I won't give up this fight.

The years pass on
And now the boy
Has grown into a man
Marching
With his momma
Helping others understand.
Until the time had come
When she faced her worse fear
Her life was at it's end.
Her angel sat beside her
Wrapped his arms around his momma
Held on tight to his best friend.

She saw him smile
She heard him say
Momma, can I help you take the pain away?
And though he did
Not make a sound
She could hear his voice, ever so clear and proud.
Saying:
I'll be your angel, I'll carry you
I will fight your battle, we will make it through.
I'll be your protector, I'll guard you in the night.
No matter what they tell me, I won't give up this fight.
I'll be your angel.

Self Discovery

I have recently discovered something about myself that I almost wish I hadn't. I have a problem. An addiction really. I'm addicted to activity. Any kind will do but helping others seems to work the best. You see if I'm not busy than I'm thinking. Thinking of all I should be doing now, could have done better before, want to do, need to do, have already missed, or will never be able to do.

Listing remodeling projects I dreamed of when we bought our home but have put on hold because I can't leave my children alone long enough to finish anything. Mapping out the perfect plan of attack for managing the errands I need to run with out anyone bursting into tears or breaking anything.

Thinking of how I've never had a close friend who really understood me. How those who have even the slightest concept of what I deal with daily are too busy struggling themselves to be bothered by me.

Thinking that even in a crowded room of 50 other women, wives, mothers, I feel alone. So as every other Sunday, I come home from church drained; physically, emotionally, spiritually. My head and my heart are hurting.

Today a phrase from a sacrament speaker has been locked in a recycling lap around my thoughts. "Have I endured enough?" The story was told of an elderly temple worker, crippled by osteoporosis, yet working diligently in the temple. Holding his head upright with one hand to relieve the strain on his neck, drinking his pureed lunch from a Mason jar, he asked another worker "Have I endured enough?"

If this poor man, spending his last pain filled breaths on Earth serving in the Lord's temple didn't feel he had done enough, how can I. And so I return from my Sunday meetings and throw myself back into action. Changing children out of church clothes, fixing dinner, setting out clothes for tomorrow, checking homework, prepping lunches, listening to voice-mail from work, and anything else I can find. Anything to stave off the thoughts of inadequacy, the worry of this week's doctor appointments, putting off the decision to home school or not, and fighting another battle with the school for not sending me all the proper paper work before summer.

Like any addiction, activity drowns out reality. That's why I read the newspaper while I eat. It releases my mind from the sound of A's coughing and twitching, S's continuous twisting and falling off his chair, M's random singing and non-stop chatter. And G's silence as he too sits thinking. That may be the worst part; knowing that I have passed this burden to him. Knowing that if only I'd recognized A's Asperger's & Tourette's sooner he could have gotten therapies that would have masked his now obvious symptoms. Knowing that if G hadn't needed cranial surgery at six months I wouldn't have become so panicked about every little thing. Knowing that if I'd had only one or two children, I would feel better able to cope, to keep up, to provide what they each need.

Yet I also know that they are all mine and were always meant to be mine. That no one else could understand them as well, sense their needs before they arise, or make any kind of sense out of their random collection of behaviors.

And so, here I sit in solitary confinement. Alone in the foyer of church with my 13 year old son, his head cradled in my lap as I rub his back. His coughing and twitching too much for even his own family to ignore sometimes. Separated from the rest because it's less painful than watching as other react to my boys. The well meant cough drops offered to A as he passes the sacrament; the other boys walking away from him as he talks about his latest Nintendo achievement. The comments from G's teacher that "he's not hiding behind the chair anymore;" waiting in the hall until the other kids are in class before escorting him from the silence of the bathroom into his class. Listening to S's three hour muttering of "I want to go home."

Have I endured enough?

The Results

The day finally came that hubby and I got to sit down with the neuro-psyche and discuss the test results on kids 2 & 3. Some very and some not so much info acquired from all this.

Child #2 has anxiety. Severe anxiety. It prevents him from sleeping, scrambles his executive processing, slows his progress way down, triggers some OCD type behaviors, and messes with his memory. None of this was too surprising, it mostly just explained how it was really interfering with his life. The doc suggested intense counseling and some anti-anxiety meds to help him until he can get it under control himself.

Child #3 is a whole different story. The doc said he's too smart, won't be challenged until AP classes in high school, and that mostly we just need to be firmer with him. He didn't see any of the sensory, balance, motor control, lack of eye contact, autistic type behaviors. No help for screaming at school or at bath time. Just be firmer. Not what I was expecting at all.

A week later I had IEP meetings for both boys and their older brother. Everyone else was also shocked by child #3's results, commenting that they had all seen signs of Autism also. Luckily they finally said this in front of each other and they agreed to certain steps to help him. I know I'm over protective of my kids at times, but it's for a reason. It's nice when someone else recognizes that there's a purpose behind it too.

Ah, the Simple Life!

This morning's paper had an Op-Ed piece that I couldn't help but laugh at. It described a working mom's excitement over the up coming end of the school year. She told of how nice it will be to not have to fight her teenager awake or rush to drop her youngest off at day-care before heading off to work herself. She also mumbled on the struggle of juggling homework and making dinner in the evenings. This mother also made comment of the greatest joy of her summer: when grandma takes the kids for an extended visit. Not even family has ever lasted more than 2 hours with all of my kids at once and I can't remember the last time we had a true babysitter.

I know she meant well, and I don't wish her any ill will but I laugh at this women's daily struggle! She obviously does not have a child (or 3!) with Asperger's & Tourette's (child #1 age 13); OCD, sensory & anxiety issues (child#2 age 10); Autism & sensory issues (child #3 age 8) or any other problem (child #4 believes she's a princess!) that might disrupt her pretty little schedule. Maybe I'm a little bitter, maybe I'm just plain exhausted, or maybe I'm a bit fed up. Between sensitivities to light/sound/textures, allergies to food and everything else, impulsiveness, and immaturity, I am kept on my feet (sometimes literally) for a minimum of 14 hours a day.

Let me first explain that I love my kids, I know I am the only one capable of sorting out all their randomness and functioning around it. They are all very loving, VERY smart, and have good intentions in everything they do. Unfortunately they all have different things they struggle with that I alone can not correct, but that our school district/doctors/therapists/ and insurance are all unable or unwilling to help with. And so hubby and I do what we can to manage on our own.

Here's a quick over view of my fun filled day with and without school.

6:45- I and child #1 are awake. He gets dressed and feeds the dog while I get the little kids dressed and down stairs.

7:00- I make breakfast (cereal for one, waffles for the others) and begin packing lunches (no dairy or bread for #3, no protein for #2, no wheat or dairy and something the bullies can't destroy for #1).

7:20- I have 10 minutes to eat and read as much of the newspaper as possible.

7:30- Brush #1's hair (lack of OT means -like bathing- he still can't manage this on his own) and help him pack his backpack. Being 13 should have meant more independence. Instead it means more maneuvering on my part to make him look independent enough that people leave him alone.

7:45- #1 and hubby out the door, I have 25 minutes to get myself ready for the day.

8:10- Brush #4's long curls into a pony, convince her and #2 to get their shoes on, and begin the battle with #3. This will take the next 35 minutes, involve plenty of screaming & tears, and is unlikely to end well for anyone. But that's what it will take to get him to school.

8:45- Give up with #3, bring him back to the car. Child #2 was removed from school in February thanks to his anxiety and another boys bullying. Now #3 is home also. #4 starts Kindergarten in the fall.

9:00- Run errands, hoping the store isn't crowded. Child #3 is staggering down the aisle with his arms in his shirt or compulsively touching everything he can reach. #2 complains that it's too bright/noisy/cold. I get as much as I can find that fits all their dietary needs & allergies. In the summer the trip includes #1 hopping and swinging his arms while #4 sings as loud as she can. I really need to get her a recoding contract, you know.... in my spare time.

10:00- Come home, unload car, put food away while keeping 2, 3, & 4 in sight.

10:30- Catch up on work. I work from home during the day with client meetings schedule in the evenings. I also use this time to contact medical or school staff about updates in conditions, meetings, appointments, or that bully that picked on #1 yesterday. Again this is all done in a central location where I can see to all 3 children.

11:00- Attempts at school work, housework and any other kind of work that needs to be done. Getting the kids physically active enough to work their muscles while keeping them from injuring each other or destroying the house. Child #1 requires actual physical pressure on his body (from jumping to hugging) to release the stress of keeping it together at school.

4:30- Making and eating dinner. Each meal at our house is really 2 or 3 thanks to food allergies. There's also the battle of "why can't we switch places" at the dinner table. Child #3 is a sloppy eater, to put it mildly, and #1's Tourette's has caused him to cough since age 3. Very enjoyable to sit next to while you eat.

6:00- Bath time is my personal favorite. You see, when water "feels like needles" you aren't as likely to cooperate with this time of day. Child #3 has horrible eczema that no medicine has ever really cleared up. Removing all scents from his laundry and using only "free" baby soap has helped, but not enough to avoid a fight. Once again the tears and bargaining commence

7:30- We battle our way through the bedtime routine with 3 and 4, all the while trying to remember if #3's bed was wet this morning and if so, did I wash his bedding.

8:30- Children 1 and 2 head to bed only to return at least 3 more times complaining of being unable to sleep or random other ailments.

9:00- I begin preparations for tomorrow, hoping I can get the house work done before I collapse into bed myself. All clothes are picked out and placed at the foot of the beds... except #3's. At almost 8 years old he wets his bed nearly every night still. Child #2's clothes can't have any tags and #4's socks must be inside out. And yes, I still pick out clothes for #1.

10:30- Crash in my bed and read until I can't see anymore. Reading is the key for me here, because if I don't read I'll spend all night thinking about how I'm going to make it through tomorrow. This is also the reason I created my Crazy Mom line... everyone needs an outlet!

So all you happy moms that are excited for school to be out and your lives to relax, enjoy your laid back schedule, that peace and quiet when they go to grandma's, and spend an extra day at the spa for me. I'll be where I always am: at home, caring for my children.

Playing Catch-Up

Back to the story....

Late summer of 2006 there was an article in our local paper about Asperger's that was very poorly done. So of course I wrote them and told them how bad it was and we were quickly asked if our family would be willing to have a reporter & photographer follow us for a month. What an experience that was. One of the best things they recorded was our experience at orientation for middle school. They had no idea that 'A' had any special needs, the guidance counselor even asked if we were at the right school! The elementary had not passed any of his information along and they were clueless. That entire school year was a battle, explaining to the special ed teacher that the novel she read about Autism wasn't as useful as she thought, having one of his teachers trigger a coughing spell that has taken 2 years to stop. Not a year I enjoyed.... but I did gain my Crazy Mom logo because of it! So there is a silver lining.

So now we fast forward 2.5 years to the present. 'A' is now in 7th grade, the middle of middle school, and much more socially aware than he's ever been. I see this as great progress for him, wanting his hair to look good to impress the pretty blond in his class is a new experience. At the same time he's also more aware of what they other kids are saying behind his back and sometimes to his face.

This school year alone he's had death threats left in his PE locker and "Smile, you're special" notes left in his regular locker. He's been attacked 4 times in a week at lunch, had his things stolen, his Science teacher was forced to leave the school after allegations arose, and decided that as long as he's not getting an 'F' his grades are fine. But over the last year or so he's been happier, less anxious, and not as prone to break downs as before.

He's also very notably going through puberty. He's grown 6 inches in 18 months, his voice has gotten a bit deeper, and we've had to renegotiate bathing terms more than once. But, as with other inhibitions and maturity, some levels have not kept up. It's nearly impossible to keep him from dancing naked in the hall between his room and the bath room at shower time. Instead we've gotten better at making sure no one else is in the hall way.

The school is still very limited in their understanding of him. Not once have they followed his IEP by transferring information to the new teachers he has each semester. His principal won't look me in the eye now and his guidance counselor is so panicked she's going to do something wrong that she's never done a thing. 'A' has his favorite speech therapist back this year though, and I'm sure that many of his improvements are thanks to her.

It stuns me sometimes when I look back over the last 14 years and see all that our family has done, been through, survived, and accomplished. I just hope the next 14 years are a little calmer!

It's Gone

The last 10 days was pretty harsh. My oldest turned 13! I can't believe I have a teenager! To make things worse, I was crazy enough to measure him.... 5'7"! Only 2 inches shorter than me. I'm certain he'll outgrow me by Christmas. My only wish is that he would mature as fast as he's growing. It's so hard to watch my tall gangly son act like a sugar wired 8 year old.

The second difficult thing was that I found out Tuesday that the company hosting my domain sold it to someone else. My website, my name, is gone. Five hard years of work to make it just what I wanted, making it profitable, spreading my name on the web, all of it is worthless. My domain name was my business name. All my business cards are null and void, the stickers on the windows of my van... are all advertising for someone else now. Chelbi's Creations is no longer mine.
So in the spirit of change I have started over. Streamlined, simplified, clarified. I have begun again with Chel Design. Talking with the hubby though, there is a very real chance I will be switching this all out again in the next month or so. We have been throwing around a business name practically since we were married, but never could make it fit anything. I think we've finally come to a place where our two creative talents have almost merged. Mine being the creative design of interiors, clothing, & logos and his being the creative design of portfolios, graphic flyers, & advertisements. We'll see where this next adventure leads.

Back to the Beginning

We had known for a while that something was "different" but it took the kindly advice of our son's Speech Therapist to really open our eyes to what exactly was going on. Son A had been in speech and occupational therapy from age 4 to age 6. Due to frequent ear infections as an infant his speech was unclear and his balance was awful. We were also told he had sensory integration deficit and proprioception problems, but no one ever suggested what more could be done or what these really meant.

When he was 6 the Navy sent us to California where all therapy stopped. Since he was ahead of his class academically (he'd taught himself to read at 3 1/2) they didn't see the need for assistance. Besides that, they only had one therapist for the district which covered 8 schools in three counties. Thank goodness for understanding teachers that ignored his hopping in line and repetitive coughing. And so it was that therapy ceased and A regressed. Well, maybe regressed is too strong. I guess he just stopped progressing.

A turned 9 the Spring before we returned to Washington State, leaving the Navy and returning home to the Tri-Cities. Fourth grade wasn't horrible, but I could see him fitting in less and less. He was however back in speech. By the beginning of his fifth grade year I had begun fighting hard to get him help. He had been coughing since the age of 3 and nothing we had done had ever helped at all. He was having hysterical crying episodes at least once a week, his eye contact had gotten spottier, and he was not functioning motor wise at par with his peers.

His doctor and teacher suggested ADHD, for which he began medicated . After 3 months and 4 different meds he hallucinated at 6am one morning. Screaming, crying, piling furniture in front of his bedroom door to keep us out. It was very frightening. That's the day we stopped giving him medicine. It's also about the same time I stopped writing this blog.

We had him tested for food allergies and he came up positive for more than 25, not including all their sub-foods. It was at this same time that his that his Speech Therapist mentioned Asperger's Syndrome. Being computer crazy, I immediately looked it up online was overjoyed and somewhat overwhelmed by what I found. My son fit every one of the criteria... gross motor, eye contact, IQ, obsessiveness with a subject, it was all there. I was so excited! It had a name, I wasn't crazy and overprotective, something was really wrong! But it was Autism... why hadn't anyone mentioned Autism before? Why didn't I know more about Autism? How had I, and so many others, missed something that seemed so obvious to me.

It was February of 2006 before I was able to have him officially tested by a pediatric neuro-psychologist. And what she found stunned me even more. It wasn't just Asperger's, it was also Tourette's and tremors and low muscle tone on his left side and Sensory Integration Deficit and, and, and.... How had ALL of this been missed? We took him off all medication immediately and for the first time in 8 years he stopped coughing! Somthing he had been given Asthma meds, allergy meds, and a myriad of other things for turned out to be Tourette's.

A month later I left for 5th grade camp with him. I didn't realize until the second day of camp that I was not only still in denial but still in shock also. That was the day that his group went out to the woods to learn fire building. He spent the entire hour and a half 30 feet from the group hanging upside down over a log. Amazingly though, on the last night of camp they played a Jeopardy game and he answered every question about fire building correctly. He had heard it all, but he needed to be away from the group to process it. It was so hard for me to watch how truly separated he was from the other kids. I was amazed also, and extremely grateful, at how protective they were of him.

This was the beginning of the journey for us. A journey that has taken a few twists and is no where near finished, but has brought me closer to my children.

Where to begin...

A sister of mine, one of many, mentioned recently that I need a place to vent. Being on my computer 2/3 of the day I immediately thought of blogging and then remembered that I used to have a blog. I hadn't realized just how long it's been since I've posted. Two and a half years. And what a wild chunk of time that has been.

In the last two and a half years my family has entered the worlds of Autism, Tourrette's, OCD, intense food allergies, and extreme Sensory Integration Disorder. We have also entered middle school, begun home schooling, and seen our youngest start school. We have changed vehicles twice, jobs 3 times, and all but completely halted remodeling on our home. We have gained 3 new cousins and are anxiously awaiting the arrivals of 3 more.

Yes, it's been an interesting time for us. Now I will attempt to fill in the gaps.